I know how this feels, I think I'm learning the difference between peace and acceptance. And maybe reclaiming what peace means - not exactly a sense of calm, but a sense that decisions I have made have served a higher purpose and have brought me to where I am at, helped me learn the lessons I needed to learn.
To me, peace with something doesn't always mean complete, extended calm, but moments of quiet acceptance that I'm doing my best, even if it's messy and scares the crap out of me. I recently read an article about regret, those moments where we sit back and wonder if we made the right choice. We're always doing the best we can with what's available to us. We couldn't have made another choice, because we didn't. It takes practice to give ourselves grace and accept the current reality of where we are, which is the only thing we can control. That gave my perfectionist tendencies a little bit of comfort. Even if I make a choice that's less than ideal, oddly enough, I still have faith that the universe and I will adjust accordingly.
Very true. We can't go back. If we spend energy wondering whether what we're doing is right, we've sort of missed the point. The choices we make are ours, even in their imperfection. I want to release this idea of unilateral peace because I just don't think it's real. Doubts are not evidence that we shouldn't make the choices we're making...instead, it's just a very real part of our growth. It *is* scary...but we do it anyway.
This makes me think about what I woke up from a dream with years ago - "Just choose". It was so clear and I felt like it was the universe saying "I can support you whichever way you go, I just need you to choose a path." We think which choice we make is the whole bread basket but sometimes (often?) it's not! We just have to choose because then there are going to be a million other choice points along the way and all of them determine the outcome.
I find peace is a fleeting thing, appearing in the moments you least expect it. Like you most of my life altering decisions have been made in a place of sad knowing. A knowing that things could not continue as they were.
I am content that all those decisions were right at the time, and that I would not be here in the same way, either physically and mentally if I had made different choices.
My peace comes from accepting the decisions I have made I guess.
Good luck with your move and the wonderful new life which awaits you. 😘😘
I agree, Tracy. Peace has shown up for me unexpectedly a few times during this transition, and I’m learning to welcome it instead of trying to cling to it. Acceptance is a better word for how I feel—once that’s in place, I have the freedom to feel the whole spectrum of emotions associated with my choice. Excitement, anticipation, fear, and hope.
Thank you for your support…you’re right. What waits for me will be wonderful. ❤️
Ohhhh. So. Many. Thoughts. First, thank you for just suggesting that the "ideal" of peace is a bit of a trap. Of course it is and I should have seen it, like being "positive" all the time, but it was a little more subtle. Have I been at peace with decisions - well, yes and no and sometimes both. Sometimes I know my body is at peace with a decision but my mind will continue to churn long after the decision is made (and even years into the future). Oh that second guessing. It's why I draw so many sword cards. Yet if I can get myself to drop down even a little, I can sense something else underneath that might be called "peace" or might be called "knowing". Sometimes. Often I have that feeling briefly - long enough to make the decision. Like when I walked into this house and knew it was the one for me (thankfully because I had to make an offer right there and then). Was there churning and second guessing later? Yes. But for that moment I knew and there was "peace" however brief.
That card is so interesting! Julia described it as being so much like the Ace of Wands - full of possibilities. And all of the possibilities being options - and yet with too many choices we can feel almost trapped (even if they are actually all good ones).
I like that perspective on the Eight of Wands! I had never really thought of it as each wand being a separate choice, but that makes sense to me.
And I like what you said about knowing--I do feel like that, like I know that this change is inevitable. It doesn't always feel peaceful though, at least not in line with society's version of peace. You're right. There are many layers to a decision, and I do feel like there's solid earth underneath all of the magma that's churning above the surface for me right now.
So good! And wow, I have a post going out this morning titled "I am not centered" -- you read my mind! I'll give you a shout-out.
I really like the question a teacher once asked: Is there really a single "right" choice? In Zen we talk about ethics and whether our actions lead to more or less suffering. But when it comes to big life decisions where the outcome isn't clear, does it actually serve us to think that one of the options is right and one is wrong?
For me, thinking there's a right and wrong choice keeps me stuck in analysis paralysis. But if I look at choices just as different paths, neither better than the other, it takes a lot of the pressure off. I have to remind my ADHD brain of this too when standing in the kitchen agonizing over what to make for breakfast... ha. No right answer.
Agree with this. I feel like this is the toughest lesson that I'm learning--that there truly is no right or wrong when it comes to these sorts of things. There are just different paths. No use in thinking about the one we didn't walk because it doesn't really exist anymore, in my view.
Right! That last bit comes up a lot for me with trauma as well. What life could I have lived if only…?? But I couldn’t have lived any other life because this is the one I’ve lived. Important to feel grief around that if it comes up, and also really freeing to accept that we can’t change the past. All we have is the present. Easier said than done though—can’t bypass the grief stages (sometimes I try).
This post was perfect. Since reading, I have done some contemplation about my own perception on this topic. I was able to uncover a couple of key points…
1. I too, seek to understand what ultimate peace will look in the end when making life changing decisions. Often asking myself, what will the end look or feel like?? In that moment of contemplation, if I am unable to visualize or if it increases my anxiety I often will cast aside necessary changes needed for personal growth and happiness. I seem to be my own WORST advocate.
AND
2. I often tell myself, I am uncomfortable with the “messy” part of change. By nature, I am a person who avoids major conflict or negative discourse. This avoidance inhibits my willingness to take risks, change, or grow. This is my biggest form of self-sabotage.
I often find myself giving up on the notion of change before I get started. In the end this leads to regret, chest tightening anxiety and hives, along with deeply held resentment of myself, others, and situations. Because of my misery, this approach will often force the hand of the other party and leads them to take the action of forcing the change upon me OR it forces me to flee, as an attempt of self-survival. None of these options are particularly productive. Nor does it put me in the drivers seat of my own destiny but, rather leaves me the petulant child screaming in the back of an old station-wagon! It’s a vicious cycle. This becomes increasingly clearer each day.
After much contemplation over the past couple of weeks, I have begun to ask myself, 1. What if I became the master of my own destiny vs. forcing the hand of others to impose change on my behalf?
2. Is there some dark beauty or comforting stillness in the mess that comes with the process of change?
3. Do I feel worthy enough to make the change for myself vs. my usual go-to of self-sacrifice- so others can have their calm/peace?
Long story short, I don’t have all of the answers, nor am I any more at peace with change. I am a “work in progress”. I have started to realize that I am worthy of the peace that comes with enduring change. At the same time, I am working on my comfort level with the uneasiness and the unknowns in life. Much of which, I have zero control over. I have also started work on releasing the anxiety and the contention of others. I have done this by staying present in the moment and resisting the urge hitting the fast-forward button. Thus far, this has been the toughest part.
The fact is, none of us know how the story will end and if we resist change there will be no lessons learned, no growth, or inner peace.
At the end of the day, we are ALL flawed, ALL capable of creating long lasting and enduring change, and ALL worthy of finding our peace at any stage!
Great job, Katie. You have such a way with words. You keep the reader engaged and your use of metaphors is refreshing. Thank you for all you do and sharing so much of yourself. I deeply appreciate you, friend!
I love the phrase "dark beauty" because I do feel like this is an aspect of life that we skim over. We struggle to hold space for the both/and, preferring the neatness of the either/or. I do think that a lot of growth happens when we're in the beautiful yet terrifying darkness.
You also hit on something else major that I'm dealing with--we cannot know how it will all play out. We can't structure our lives so carefully that we guarantee outcomes. Letting go of this is liberating...and scary. But what we can do is make choices without the expectation of perfection. Easier said than done...
I'm so glad that you find value in my writing. I question whether I should write so vulnerably on the Internet, but I do it anyway because I know that I feel less alone when I receive comments like yours.
Ugh, I always think of myself as indecisive. No matter what decision I make I could've always made another one, and that unsettles me, so it's not very peaceful. I find the reassurance now in the fact that i can always make another decision. As for where my peace lies...unsure
I know how this feels, I think I'm learning the difference between peace and acceptance. And maybe reclaiming what peace means - not exactly a sense of calm, but a sense that decisions I have made have served a higher purpose and have brought me to where I am at, helped me learn the lessons I needed to learn.
Well said as always, Hannah. <3
To me, peace with something doesn't always mean complete, extended calm, but moments of quiet acceptance that I'm doing my best, even if it's messy and scares the crap out of me. I recently read an article about regret, those moments where we sit back and wonder if we made the right choice. We're always doing the best we can with what's available to us. We couldn't have made another choice, because we didn't. It takes practice to give ourselves grace and accept the current reality of where we are, which is the only thing we can control. That gave my perfectionist tendencies a little bit of comfort. Even if I make a choice that's less than ideal, oddly enough, I still have faith that the universe and I will adjust accordingly.
Very true. We can't go back. If we spend energy wondering whether what we're doing is right, we've sort of missed the point. The choices we make are ours, even in their imperfection. I want to release this idea of unilateral peace because I just don't think it's real. Doubts are not evidence that we shouldn't make the choices we're making...instead, it's just a very real part of our growth. It *is* scary...but we do it anyway.
This makes me think about what I woke up from a dream with years ago - "Just choose". It was so clear and I felt like it was the universe saying "I can support you whichever way you go, I just need you to choose a path." We think which choice we make is the whole bread basket but sometimes (often?) it's not! We just have to choose because then there are going to be a million other choice points along the way and all of them determine the outcome.
I find peace is a fleeting thing, appearing in the moments you least expect it. Like you most of my life altering decisions have been made in a place of sad knowing. A knowing that things could not continue as they were.
I am content that all those decisions were right at the time, and that I would not be here in the same way, either physically and mentally if I had made different choices.
My peace comes from accepting the decisions I have made I guess.
Good luck with your move and the wonderful new life which awaits you. 😘😘
I agree, Tracy. Peace has shown up for me unexpectedly a few times during this transition, and I’m learning to welcome it instead of trying to cling to it. Acceptance is a better word for how I feel—once that’s in place, I have the freedom to feel the whole spectrum of emotions associated with my choice. Excitement, anticipation, fear, and hope.
Thank you for your support…you’re right. What waits for me will be wonderful. ❤️
Ohhhh. So. Many. Thoughts. First, thank you for just suggesting that the "ideal" of peace is a bit of a trap. Of course it is and I should have seen it, like being "positive" all the time, but it was a little more subtle. Have I been at peace with decisions - well, yes and no and sometimes both. Sometimes I know my body is at peace with a decision but my mind will continue to churn long after the decision is made (and even years into the future). Oh that second guessing. It's why I draw so many sword cards. Yet if I can get myself to drop down even a little, I can sense something else underneath that might be called "peace" or might be called "knowing". Sometimes. Often I have that feeling briefly - long enough to make the decision. Like when I walked into this house and knew it was the one for me (thankfully because I had to make an offer right there and then). Was there churning and second guessing later? Yes. But for that moment I knew and there was "peace" however brief.
That card is so interesting! Julia described it as being so much like the Ace of Wands - full of possibilities. And all of the possibilities being options - and yet with too many choices we can feel almost trapped (even if they are actually all good ones).
I like that perspective on the Eight of Wands! I had never really thought of it as each wand being a separate choice, but that makes sense to me.
And I like what you said about knowing--I do feel like that, like I know that this change is inevitable. It doesn't always feel peaceful though, at least not in line with society's version of peace. You're right. There are many layers to a decision, and I do feel like there's solid earth underneath all of the magma that's churning above the surface for me right now.
So good! And wow, I have a post going out this morning titled "I am not centered" -- you read my mind! I'll give you a shout-out.
I really like the question a teacher once asked: Is there really a single "right" choice? In Zen we talk about ethics and whether our actions lead to more or less suffering. But when it comes to big life decisions where the outcome isn't clear, does it actually serve us to think that one of the options is right and one is wrong?
For me, thinking there's a right and wrong choice keeps me stuck in analysis paralysis. But if I look at choices just as different paths, neither better than the other, it takes a lot of the pressure off. I have to remind my ADHD brain of this too when standing in the kitchen agonizing over what to make for breakfast... ha. No right answer.
Agree with this. I feel like this is the toughest lesson that I'm learning--that there truly is no right or wrong when it comes to these sorts of things. There are just different paths. No use in thinking about the one we didn't walk because it doesn't really exist anymore, in my view.
Heading over to read your post now! :)
Right! That last bit comes up a lot for me with trauma as well. What life could I have lived if only…?? But I couldn’t have lived any other life because this is the one I’ve lived. Important to feel grief around that if it comes up, and also really freeing to accept that we can’t change the past. All we have is the present. Easier said than done though—can’t bypass the grief stages (sometimes I try).
This post was perfect. Since reading, I have done some contemplation about my own perception on this topic. I was able to uncover a couple of key points…
1. I too, seek to understand what ultimate peace will look in the end when making life changing decisions. Often asking myself, what will the end look or feel like?? In that moment of contemplation, if I am unable to visualize or if it increases my anxiety I often will cast aside necessary changes needed for personal growth and happiness. I seem to be my own WORST advocate.
AND
2. I often tell myself, I am uncomfortable with the “messy” part of change. By nature, I am a person who avoids major conflict or negative discourse. This avoidance inhibits my willingness to take risks, change, or grow. This is my biggest form of self-sabotage.
I often find myself giving up on the notion of change before I get started. In the end this leads to regret, chest tightening anxiety and hives, along with deeply held resentment of myself, others, and situations. Because of my misery, this approach will often force the hand of the other party and leads them to take the action of forcing the change upon me OR it forces me to flee, as an attempt of self-survival. None of these options are particularly productive. Nor does it put me in the drivers seat of my own destiny but, rather leaves me the petulant child screaming in the back of an old station-wagon! It’s a vicious cycle. This becomes increasingly clearer each day.
After much contemplation over the past couple of weeks, I have begun to ask myself, 1. What if I became the master of my own destiny vs. forcing the hand of others to impose change on my behalf?
2. Is there some dark beauty or comforting stillness in the mess that comes with the process of change?
3. Do I feel worthy enough to make the change for myself vs. my usual go-to of self-sacrifice- so others can have their calm/peace?
Long story short, I don’t have all of the answers, nor am I any more at peace with change. I am a “work in progress”. I have started to realize that I am worthy of the peace that comes with enduring change. At the same time, I am working on my comfort level with the uneasiness and the unknowns in life. Much of which, I have zero control over. I have also started work on releasing the anxiety and the contention of others. I have done this by staying present in the moment and resisting the urge hitting the fast-forward button. Thus far, this has been the toughest part.
The fact is, none of us know how the story will end and if we resist change there will be no lessons learned, no growth, or inner peace.
At the end of the day, we are ALL flawed, ALL capable of creating long lasting and enduring change, and ALL worthy of finding our peace at any stage!
Great job, Katie. You have such a way with words. You keep the reader engaged and your use of metaphors is refreshing. Thank you for all you do and sharing so much of yourself. I deeply appreciate you, friend!
I love the phrase "dark beauty" because I do feel like this is an aspect of life that we skim over. We struggle to hold space for the both/and, preferring the neatness of the either/or. I do think that a lot of growth happens when we're in the beautiful yet terrifying darkness.
You also hit on something else major that I'm dealing with--we cannot know how it will all play out. We can't structure our lives so carefully that we guarantee outcomes. Letting go of this is liberating...and scary. But what we can do is make choices without the expectation of perfection. Easier said than done...
I'm so glad that you find value in my writing. I question whether I should write so vulnerably on the Internet, but I do it anyway because I know that I feel less alone when I receive comments like yours.
Ugh, I always think of myself as indecisive. No matter what decision I make I could've always made another one, and that unsettles me, so it's not very peaceful. I find the reassurance now in the fact that i can always make another decision. As for where my peace lies...unsure
Also - lots of love for the on fire moments. I'm glad you have someone you can call!! It is really hard to weather the fire storms.