so 1st 'wheat pennies' have not heard that spoken in decades ! made me smile. 2nd, this article reminded me of something I used to say to my daughter, a Winston Churchill quote, "you have enemies, GOOD it means you stood for something. It is hard, especially as a female member of this human community to not be likable. It is some strange unwritten expectation for women, 'a successful women is polite, pleasing and likable'. The reality is the most successful ppl at least in the arena of business and profits are those who rank higher on the DISAGREEABLE scale, a scale dominated usually by men. Seems it is acceptable if not expected for men to be disagreeable. I do find it interesting when someone just , for no real cause , just doest like someone else. I allow it from my dogs, if they don't like ya, well that's all. I mean dogs just have a sense about these sorta things, right? ; ) So I say... , in the words of RuPaul, ' what other people think about you is none of your business" I try to remind myself of this daily and in doing so just be as true to myself as I can be.
Is likeability important? I think it is in certain life areas like work and networking. But what I think is much more important is loveability. Being someone who can be loved (by a parent, a partner, a friend, etc.) is I think so much more integral to living a good life than being someone who can be liked. You can be disliked by many people, but as long as you are loved by at least one or two, you can still be happy. While if you're liked by many but not loved by anyone, I don't think that can ever make you happy.
Interesting take on 7 of wands! I hadn’t noticed the shoes before! As to likeable, we are hardwired to look for belonging because we know we survive as part of community. So I think there is just a built in struggle there that is part of life. Maybe to different degrees at different times but the whole idea we shouldn’t care and are somehow failing if we do is poppycock.
I agree that the general advice of "not giving a shit" is not good because it's just not possible if we're really honest with ourselves. And I agree--I don't like how there's this unspoken air of weakness if you express feelings about someone not liking you! I think, for me, I'm seeking a sweet spot (as always) about letting myself feel the feels associated with someone not caring for me and then eventually moving on.
Oh yes, for sure. A wise woman once told me that when things "land" with us there are usually wounded places in ourselves too. So we have to be super kind. Like the person who doesn't like me because I like avocado toast, I can easily brush that off because it doesn't land in a wounded place. The person that doesn't like me because I'm too opinionated, well, that's a very sore spot and a place I struggle with myself.
so 1st 'wheat pennies' have not heard that spoken in decades ! made me smile. 2nd, this article reminded me of something I used to say to my daughter, a Winston Churchill quote, "you have enemies, GOOD it means you stood for something. It is hard, especially as a female member of this human community to not be likable. It is some strange unwritten expectation for women, 'a successful women is polite, pleasing and likable'. The reality is the most successful ppl at least in the arena of business and profits are those who rank higher on the DISAGREEABLE scale, a scale dominated usually by men. Seems it is acceptable if not expected for men to be disagreeable. I do find it interesting when someone just , for no real cause , just doest like someone else. I allow it from my dogs, if they don't like ya, well that's all. I mean dogs just have a sense about these sorta things, right? ; ) So I say... , in the words of RuPaul, ' what other people think about you is none of your business" I try to remind myself of this daily and in doing so just be as true to myself as I can be.
Great article
I love that RuPaul quote--had never heard it, but it is definitely going somewhere visible so that I can remind myself of it!
Is likeability important? I think it is in certain life areas like work and networking. But what I think is much more important is loveability. Being someone who can be loved (by a parent, a partner, a friend, etc.) is I think so much more integral to living a good life than being someone who can be liked. You can be disliked by many people, but as long as you are loved by at least one or two, you can still be happy. While if you're liked by many but not loved by anyone, I don't think that can ever make you happy.
This is a good distinction, Val. Thanks for sharing!
Interesting take on 7 of wands! I hadn’t noticed the shoes before! As to likeable, we are hardwired to look for belonging because we know we survive as part of community. So I think there is just a built in struggle there that is part of life. Maybe to different degrees at different times but the whole idea we shouldn’t care and are somehow failing if we do is poppycock.
I agree that the general advice of "not giving a shit" is not good because it's just not possible if we're really honest with ourselves. And I agree--I don't like how there's this unspoken air of weakness if you express feelings about someone not liking you! I think, for me, I'm seeking a sweet spot (as always) about letting myself feel the feels associated with someone not caring for me and then eventually moving on.
Oh yes, for sure. A wise woman once told me that when things "land" with us there are usually wounded places in ourselves too. So we have to be super kind. Like the person who doesn't like me because I like avocado toast, I can easily brush that off because it doesn't land in a wounded place. The person that doesn't like me because I'm too opinionated, well, that's a very sore spot and a place I struggle with myself.
I adore this writing so much, your grandma was a badass !!
She was! Wish I had known her more! Thanks for reading, Ana <3