The Unbearable Whiteness of Spirituality.
Let's stop woo-speaking our way out of critical conversations.
Everyday Woo is a place for the woo curious to learn a little more about spirituality, culture, and intersectionality in a not-too-serious way. Here’s what I’m thinking about this week…
✨ The Unbearable Whiteness of Spirituality: Speaking Up in Spiritual Spaces
Recently, I started watching Dollface on Hulu, a lighthearted sitcom that deals with the ins and outs of female friendships. Kat Dennings plays Jules, a recently-dumped woman who finds out that all of her friendships have expired while she was busy chasing after her now-ex boyfriend. Jules happens to work at a company called WOOM, which is a not-so-subtle comparison to Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP.
In fact, Jules’s boss, Celeste (Malin Akerman), basically is Gwyneth. She’s very spiritual. She talks in a low, throaty whisper. She wears billowy, white clothing. She is blonde. She tells everyone that she sees them. And her company sells wellness products with questionable health benefits (one of the first episodes features a launch party for the Mkundu, which is a crystal meant to be put up your ass—talk about balancing your root chakra).
Though Dollface could be taken as a tongue-in-cheek show that lightly pokes fun at various facets of culture, the satire does point out some very real problems in the woo world. In episode 4 of the first season, members of the product launch team are called into a conference room with Celeste to discuss a “challenge” that they are having with their newest product.
Izzy (Esther Povitsky) presses play on a commercial advertising a wellness supplement/protein powder of some sort. We are treated to an image of a blonde, thin woman wearing all white who is jogging effortlessly up a hill. The voiceover details the “supreme” ingredients and their “purity.” The final shot shows the jogger standing at the top of the hill with the words “White Pow(d)er” arcing over a flawless sky, her flexed arm making up the D.
Yikes.
As the screen fades to black, Celeste eyeballs all of the women in the room and asks to “open up a dialogue.” What happens next is…definitely not a dialogue. The commercial is clearly racist, but no one in the room can seem to say it. The women all dance around it, using woo-speak to avoid saying that the ad is glorifying white supremacy.
They acknowledge that there’s a problem (a challenge, as Celeste says—concerns cause wrinkles). But no one actually wants to say anything for fear of upsetting the “vibe.” Racism has a very low vibration, y’all.
Eventually, Madison, played by Asian-American actress Brenda Song, is asked to come in and run PR on the ad. She quite literally infuses color in the form of green spirulina and orange turmeric into the sea of whiteness and saves the day. So a person of color cleans up the mess that the white people made (subtle, Dollface writers). And after that? WOOM marches on, without another thought, probably over to the smoothie bar to make a ayurvedic blend and act like white people invented that too.
Cool story, Katie. So what?
Dollface is not what I’d call Serious TV (TM). It’s funny, has a great cast and showcases an envious wardrobe (Jules’s lipstick is to die for). It’s easy to watch mindlessly and not think too deeply about. But it brings up a very real issue that has rooted itself deep within the wellness industry: a white, heavy silence when it comes to systemic issues.
I’ve written about one of these tentacles, toxic positivity, before, but white silence is sort of like the multi-headed Hydra of Greek legend: cut one head off, and two more spring up in its place.
But what’s truly problematic is the refusal of so many folks in spiritual spaces to admit that the Hydra exists in the first place. Systemic inequities are eating many people alive, yet we still hold up our gently-smoldering (unethically sourced) sage and declare that we’re going to “smudge away” negativity while patently ignoring the destruction of our fellow humans in the background. How’s that for love and light?
Silence is a choice. It sends a message: choosing not to say anything speaks volumes. It means one of two things: either you don’t notice, or you DO notice and still prefer to “keep the peace” by not offending anyone.
In spiritual spaces, this silence is almost always self-motivated and often tied to money: if a person is selling healings, they don’t want to upset their customer base by getting “opinionated,” so they dance around the tough topics and say vague things like, “holding space for people dealing with loss today” after systemic failures like mass shootings and racial violence.
And even more troublingly, we don’t call in our fellow spiritual folks when problems arise. For me, this is absolutely out of a fear of being seen as a “mean girl” or being ousted in what I’m finding out is a very, very insular space on the internet.
I think there’s a way to have these “courageous conversations” from a heart-centered place. Don’t misunderstand me: this isn’t the time to sugarcoat or resort to toxic positivity. We have to channel our Queen of Swords energy and be direct, but this doesn’t mean we have to be mean.
Here are a few ways to break the white silence:
Find a friend who shares your viewpoints and talk out what you’re seeing with them first. For example, I chatted with my friend Alex over at The Metaphysical Mermaid about how uncomfortable I feel when healers center themselves and allow themselves to be put on a pedestal (a longer post on this is coming), and she echoed a lot of what I was thinking.
It was helpful to hear that I wasn’t alone, and we were able to sort of “vent it out” as a first step to figuring out how to fight back against it. Make sure this is done in a safe way: don’t dump on someone without permission, and DEFINITELY don’t colonize the inbox of a person of color who lives with these realities every day.
Look inward. As a white woman who has spent time teaching other white women how to talk about race, I’ve noticed a tendency to default to the “call out” person who gets REALLY good at seeing all the issues with everyone else except herself (something I am regularly checking myself for—it’s super easy for me to slip into). The only antidote is to truly sit with your own actions and audit them. This phase might take some time. Ask the aforementioned friend to help you see some blind spots if necessary—just make sure you’re seeking out perspective from folks who won’t simply tell you what you want to hear.
Share your thoughts with others in a more public way. If you’re on social media, make a post with what you’ve discovered and noticed. Be the one who breaks the white silence. Use “I” language and keep it informative. The topic might piss you off (and some of this shit should), but I’ve found that polarizing language like that will shut down any hope of dialogue. Be honest, but stay level. And side note? If you’re part of the community that’s being critiqued, don’t exempt yourself from accountability by using bypassing language. Try “we” to show that you, too, are interrogating this about yourself.
Ask questions. “Ask instead of accuse” is a good approach. “Hey, why did you use the term ‘white magic’ here?” is more dialogue-friendly than “the phrase ‘white magic’ is rooted in racist thinking, so you must be racist.” Trust me. No one has ever dismantled racist thinking by calling someone racist right out the gate.
We white people are ~fragile~ and if we even *think* someone is calling us racist, we shut down quicker than my ancient Dell when I look at it wrong. Don’t sugarcoat what you’re saying, but be thoughtful with your words by asking questions instead of lobbing accusations. As they say, call people in, not out.
Educate. You might go on to someone’s Instagram post and try to provide perspective to someone who doubles down on their thinking. I’ve experienced it, and it sucks. It’ll happen, and you’ll feel like you didn’t make an impact. But remember: if this exchange is public, other bystanders will learn simply by witnessing it. It does make a difference.
A smudge stick the size of the Empire State Building won’t rid the world of racism, classism, sexism. In my view, being spiritually attuned means being a human first. Start by talking about the tough stuff. Think of white silence like a fog: it covers a lot of spaces and is super dense, but we can poke holes in it and clear it out if we keep at it. It’s easier to disappear into it, but fighting it?
Much more spiritual than shoving a crystal up your ass, if you ask me.
Any tips for speaking up? How do you start tough conversations, online or offline? Drop your thoughts below and break the silence.
Mantra for the week: I speak from a place of truth and love.
Tarot card of the week: The Magician
This badass has showed up quite often in readings I’ve done over the past few weeks, and I really love the sometimes-chaotic, always-powerful energy of this major arcana card. The Magician is a creator. He is overflowing with ideas and optimism, and he knows how to use the tools he’s been given to manifest a reality that’s exciting and fulfilling.
Represented by the number 1, this card is very masculine, individualistic and links up with the first steps after a fresh start.
He’s what I’d call a “young” card, and he can be a little foolhardy and a touch naive, but when he shows up in a reading, I know that this person is ready to embrace their own special sauce and start making moves to shake things up in their personal journey. All good stuff!
Prompts to think through the energy of the Magician:
What ideas am I being asked to bring to life?
Where can I infuse a touch of my own personal magic to my everyday life?
What tools can I access to get shit done?
Where can I be creative this week?
A painting / a song / a poem / an outfit / a snack to represent the Magician
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I say that pointy hats are optional because I want this to be a space where woo-curious folks come together and explore what spirituality looks and feels like for them, outside of the confines of societal constructs. We’ll chat about tarot, woo life, and other topics in an unfiltered, close way.
Hope to see you there!
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